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Rachel's Piece for Session 3 - Lit Spaz!!! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The Writening is Upon You!

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Rachel's Piece for Session 3 [Jun. 27th, 2005|08:13 pm]
The Writening is Upon You!
[Current Mood |pensivepensive]
[Current Music |Soundgarden :: Blow up the Outside World]

And now, a song! WHEE!


I still remember that warm, summer night
I remember you said I was beautiful in moonlight.
And we ran across the field, hand in hand
It wasn't something I could have planned

All you wanted was a piece of my action,
Your piece in my action,
A piece of the action.

And I let you have it,
And you let me have it,
And you had me from the start...

I still find myself wishing I could turn back the clock
I'd make it so that you could never pick my lock.
I knew you would leave me, I knew it would end
But against your charms I could not defend.

And I knew
All you wanted was a piece of my action,
Your piece in my action,
A piece of the action.

And I let you have me,
And you let me have it,
And I wish I could let go...

And sometimes, late at night, I feel you holding me close
And I feel your arms around me, your lips against my neck
And you whisper that I'm beautiful and you whisper that you love me
And I know it isn't real, and I know you never said that,
But I always wished you would, and I always wanted you to
And I never wanted to love you, but I couldn't help but love you
And I only wanted you to love me, but I knew you never would...
{fade out and end on dissonance}

Mmmmyep. Oh, it will be pretty when I learn how to play it.

[User Picture]From: pseudo_villain
2005-06-28 03:37 pm (UTC)
Okay... let's see if I can critique this... *really horrible at critiquing the work of others*

Well, the bridge seems awfully long. Like it would take up half the song. I'm no music major, but I think a bridge that long could possibly detract from the rest of the song.

I dunno. Maybe I just don't like that the bridge is so long for personal reasons.
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[User Picture]From: 1stnameangelene
2005-06-29 02:57 am (UTC)

YAY! Music

I would definitely listen to this song if it were on the radio.


I thought for a minute maybe a few lines were a bit over done, but it just adds to the charm of the song.

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[User Picture]From: lostunicorn82
2005-07-03 04:40 pm (UTC)
Nicely done lyrics with a good rhythm, I think. It's definitely got a beat, which is good. The only other thing is that I'm not sure how well "A piece of the action" actually fits in the song. Then again, this could be because I know you and some of the silly songs you've come up with. At any rate, the line "his piece in my action" kind of made me want to giggle, and I was feeling a cross between wanting to laugh and feeling slightly haunted.
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[User Picture]From: onanist
2005-07-05 01:44 am (UTC)
Is this about, oh I don't know.... Ralph Nader? :)

Yeah. I like it. Is there a bass line for me?

his piece in my action... ::giggle:: ::titter::

I don't know shit about lyrics or poetry. Write me off on the critique here, I'm out of my element.
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