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The Writening is Upon You!

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A Piece of the Action [Jun. 28th, 2005|09:35 pm]
The Writening is Upon You!

lit_spaz

[pseudo_villain]
You know it's a bad sign when it's the first day of summer, your day to sleep in, and you are awoken by the most loud, irritating sound that could possibly be made at this hour, 7 AM.

The sound reminded me of a convenience store. You walk through the door and it screeches at you to let you, and everybody else within a two-mile radius of the store, know that you have just entered said store. "Make way! It's a customer!" must be what it means in the Dreadfully Annoying Sounds language.

I glanced at my clock, briefly wondered what could make such a horrid sound, and promptly passed out again.

Soon after, it was there again. The sound. That atrocious ringing sound. "No," I muttered to myself, "I am not waking up because of some stupid... noise... thing." It was hardly difficult to convince myself of this, and thus, I was instantly asleep.

The third time I heard it, I decided it might be a good idea to drag myself out of bed an investigate. I stumbled awkwardly to the door, nearly slipping after having stepped on at least two books, and got myself out to the hallway.

The sound again.

I placed my hand against the wall and blinked a few times as the blood rushed from my head. I had to get my bearings before proceeding any further.

Having gotten over the dizziness, I continued in the direction it had come from. Slowly padding along in my pajamas, eyes barely open, I turned the corner. I swiftly (and when I say swiftly, I mean very slowly and narrowly) dodged the piano that blocked my way. There stood my mother by the front door with a screwdriver. On the wall was a small white box with a wire leading out to the door.

"Morning, hon. I just installed a door bell!"

Admittedly, it was a good thing to have. Five years in this house with no doorbell meant a lot of people knocking on the door and getting no response. But this doorbell was the spawn of Satan. "Mom..." I groaned, "It's horrible! It's loud and obnoxious."

My little brother, also the spawn of Satan, came up behind me. "Did you say obnoxious?" I glared at him wordlessly, and he pranced on up to mother. Lousy brat.

"See?" she said, demonstrating by pressing the button. I tried not to pick up something to throw at my brother.

Instead, I said, "Come on, quit it. It's 7 in the morning, that thing is loud as hell, and I want to sleep. It's summer. For SLEEPING. No more... stupid... doorbell." Spawn of Satan number 1, my brother, rang spawn of Satan number 2, the bell. I gritted my teeth and hissed, "Why do you have to keep doing that?"

He grinned sheepishly, "Aw, sis, I just wanted a piece of the action."






Inspired by the new doorbell my mother installed the morning I began writing this. (It isn't as bad as it is in this story.) Also, I'm not so sure I like it myself. The story, I mean.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: 1stnameangelene
2005-06-29 04:53 am (UTC)

Not the norm

Interesting story. It's definitely more up-beat than what were used to seeing in this community.

Um, I like the depiction of just a certain, everyday, mundane event. It's like a tiny vignette that lends itself to many interpretations. However, the story did feel a bit TOO mundane at times. I wasn't really drawn in.

Very good for your first entry, though. I can't wait to read more.

By the way, do any of us know you?
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[User Picture]From: pseudo_villain
2005-06-29 05:28 am (UTC)

Re: Not the norm

Nope. I stumbled onto this community completely by accident. I'm very glad that I did.

Hmm... you're right. It did drag on a little bit. But I had fun writing it.

Every time someone tells me it's interesting (I try to show my writing to as many people as possible), I have to laugh inside. It's about a friggin' doorbell.
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From: gaffachic
2005-06-30 02:19 am (UTC)

I LOVE YOUR ICON!!!!!!!!!! *falls over*

Ahahah. We had a terrible door bell once...my father ripped it out in a rage one day. Oh, good times ^_^.

Anywho, neat story! I could definitely relate to the feeling of crankiness inspired by early-morning noises.

Hmmm...my only qualm with this is that some of the passages are a little awkward...like...the flow's a bit off, y'know? However, it kind of works with the story, as the main character is sleepy and groggy and whatnot...so the awkwardness kind of works, if that makes any sense. O_o...maybe it was the use of the word 'thus'...I got my head bitten off by many an English professor for using it, and now it kind of makes my eyes get really big and gives me this urge to hide in cabinets O_O.

All in all, though, nice work! I like the fact that you took an every day kind of thing and made it interesting. Wicked nice! ^_-!

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[User Picture]From: pseudo_villain
2005-06-30 03:30 am (UTC)

Re: I LOVE YOUR ICON!!!!!!!!!! *falls over*

Hmm... which passages are you referring to?
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[User Picture]From: lostunicorn82
2005-07-03 03:11 am (UTC)
Definitely a change of pace from what we're used to. A little mundane, I concede to that, and I felt that some words were used too repetively, like "sound." Something I notice due to the fact that I do it myself. But otherwise, there was some very nice detail, and I found it an interesting interpretation of the topic.
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[User Picture]From: onanist
2005-07-05 01:33 am (UTC)
It is interesting to take a mundane event and write a story on it. However, every story should have both a plot and an underlying theme, something to take away from it. This could be as simple as "good conquers all" or "things are not as they seem". I'm not sure what to take away from yours, besides "loud noises in the morning are bad".

Also, watch the sentence fragments and tenses. There should be a clear division when you switch from past to present. You should never switch tenses within the same paragraph and try to avoid parentheses, double hyphens break up the flow less.

Yeah, I'm the hard-ass. I come from the school of no-compliment writing groups.
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